Layers

At a relatively fun department party I attended over the weekend, I got to thinking of how categorizing people into personalities and such (as is my nature to do) can be a complex and confusing process. For example, there's many people in my department with whom I have amiable relationships with and will be happy to occasionally have a pint with, but on a deeper level, I don't respect or like them (note: this sentiment can imply neutrality too, and doesn't necessarily mean there's a negative valence here), and certainly don't want to become close friends with them. So, on one level, I can perceive these people as "okay" and "fun", even though at a deeper level, my sentiments and feelings aren't necessarily totally sunny. I suppose it's kind of like the crazy relative(s) in one's family who are the subject of much chatter behind their backs and derision, although there would never be any thought of excluding or banishing them, as family gatherings are fun with their presence, as well.

Moving inward, I'm beginning to learn that I have great arrogance and coldness in me, at the same time that I can also be insecure and "warmth." I'm smart sometimes and downright moronic at others. I have a long fuse at times and am very patient, and sometimes I think I need extra-strength Ritalin. Sometimes I feel emotionally invulnerable and inured to emotional pain and ebbs and flows, and at others, I feel helplessly weak and swayed by these sorts of emotional matters. I could go on, but I suppose it's all about the contextual interaction effects that catalyze different feelings and notions about oneself (and others, in addition to one's relationship to others - a very Meadian perspective). Perhaps when one doesn't have access to all the facets of their personality and sociability, that's when you start to have pathologies and problems...