ARGHARGHK;GARKL;GKL;RAWEKL;AWEFKL;AWEKL!!!!

I went for a walk tonight and still noticed that I have a bit of a gut and love handles, despite the fact that I've been eating really well. I know they're really small, that I'm probably viewing my body with the same degree of critical self-consciousness as a teenage girl, and it's absurd for me to suddenly care this much about my body, considering that eating Corn Pops, Fried Chicken and Ding-Dongs were much bigger priorities than being healthy for most of my life. However, I'm a perfectionist and hate the feeling of failing. Past diets I've been on (which have also been successful) took a ton of willpower (I recall my one indulgence the last time were vegetarian chicken nuggets with 7g of fat per serving, which I'd ration myself one serving a week) and I decided that was the reason I'd always eventually fall back into an unhealthy equilibrium. This time, I still eat a lot, but it's generally healthy stuff (apart from the cheese I have on many of my sandwiches). I even indulge in the occasional cookie. Perhaps I'm at the point where the marginal costs of abating fat are skyrocketing, or at least to the point that I'm going to have to exercise more willpower with food. However, I hate having to waste willpower on diet stuff when I'm trying to be productive school-wise, which also tends to be rather attenuating. Above all else, I'm afraid I'm in a scenario like that guy from Super-Size Me who got fat eating McDonald's over a mere month, and while he lost most of the weight he put on over the diet very quickly, it took him a really long time to lose that last 5-10 pounds. Since I've gotten "chubby" three times in life now (and have abated it 2.85 times or so, accounting for the 0.15 of annoying love handles I still have), I worry that I'm going to be stuck here for a really long time.

On the bright side, I'm still intending to wear tightish clothes which kind of flaunt my body (or at least don't hide it in bagginess, which I used to do) to the yearly meet-and-greets over the coming weeks, and the exercise part of this "new healthy lifestyle" continues to go really well. I'm still scrawny. but it is kind of fun feeling some muscle and definition in my arms, and it was an awesome feeling to effortlessly sprint through an orange street light 40 minutes into my run tonight, whereas a few months ago, I would have been sucking wind at that point, even after taking two rests in the jog. If only my goddamn gut would recognize all of this progress I've made (which I feel is the furthest of any of my three diets/lifestyle changes) and start responding!